


Tarvek Flirts With Death

by Evergreena



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Art, Drabble, Gen, Girl Genius Event Week, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Personification of Death, Whump, a little early but eh, the jägers drink respect Tarvek juice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26809015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evergreena/pseuds/Evergreena
Summary: Tarvek keeps almost dying. Everyone close to him notices. They all have different reactions and various theories as to why it keeps happening.If only they knew the truth.
Relationships: Agatha Heterodyne & Tarvek Sturmvoraus, Tarvek Sturmvoraus & Gilgamesh "Gil" Wulfenbach, Violetta Mondarev & Tarvek Sturmvoraus
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49





	Tarvek Flirts With Death

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first Girl Genius fic now that I've rejoined the fandom (after a years-long absence, LOL). I wrote this in the middle of the night when I was hit with insomnia, so please enjoy the fruits of my sleeplessness! 
> 
> ***With bonus art at the end by [@RoryMercury](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoryMercury/profile) that fits so perfectly it HAD to be included! Used with permission. :)

The Castle knew something was going on with that Prince of the Lady Heterodyne’s.

Despite anyone’s claims to the contrary, the Prince was safe enough in Castle Heterodyne (well, as safe as anyone could be in a madly sentient death trap mansion of wonders, thank you very much). The Castle wouldn't dare hurt him, for the Lady Heterodyne would not allow it.

But even the Castle could tell that Tarvek Sturmvoraus had a real thing for life-threatening adventures. To any casual observer, it may appear that he was deliberately flirting with death as one might call on a sweetheart for tea and court them with sweet words and charming manners. After all, he'd kissed Death within the walls of the Castle at least once already, and come close to it on several other occasions. It wasn't like they were complete strangers or anything. They had _history_.

* * *

Violetta observed this angrily. Her infuriating cousin seemed to go out of his way to woo Death, with methods as creative and varied as:

  * Stabs to arteries
  * Kidnapped by power-hungry Sparks and family members
  * Getting himself poisoned
  * Electrocution



—and sometimes all of them at once. She did her best to steer him clear of the worst of it, because after all, her lady was fond of the idiot for some inexplicable reason. And yet, time and time again, he just kept fawning over Death with all the dignity of a lovesick schoolgirl.

 _The weasel brain must be doing it on purpose,_ she decided, and tried not to let his close calls distract her from her primary focus.

* * *

Agatha tried not to worry about him. For goodness sake, he’d somehow survived his own deadly family for all these years. Just because she was around to see him get hurt now didn’t mean that he was in any more danger than he was normally used to.

Still, she couldn’t help but notice that whenever she and Gil and Tarvek got into a scrape together—be it pirates or a rogue clank or an extra-evil Spark bent on assassination—she and Gil usually emerged unscathed, while Tarvek bled out or needed a quick jolt to restart his heart or something. As such, she had boiled this evidence down to three possible conclusions:

1\. She and Gil were simply made of sturdier stock than their red-haired companion. This theory seemed highly unlikely due to his Smoke Knight training, but after his fifth broken rib she had to wonder.

2\. Tarvek just had extraordinary bad luck, if such a thing as “luck” could truly be quantified and compared. This theory, while fanciful, certainly held true with the horrible events he’d had to endure throughout his early life up until now. Most people seemed to have a balance between the good and bad experiences of life, whereas Tarvek had been dealt an unfair number on the _bad_ side. If anything, he could be considered an intriguing outlying sample in any serious study of the “luck” phenomenon. She casually wondered if there were others out there who had an abundance of good luck to balance the system.

3\. Or, and she approached this theory with caution, he got some kind of thrill out of cheating death by such a narrow margin. Was this really a game to him? She quietly read up on psychology tomes that she found in the Castle’s library in her spare time, but they honestly weren’t much help when she tried to determine if this was the reason for his constant injuries and near-fatal accidents.

She wasn’t even sure which of her theories was the worst.

* * *

Gil tried not to think about it. He just gritted his teeth and patched up his rival (friend) with perhaps a bit more enthusiasm than the injuries called for, as if he could heal him so thoroughly that Death wouldn’t _dare_ touch him again.

* * *

The Jägerkin, however, steadily grew in their respect for the Storm King’s Heir, grinning toothily to one another each time he stubbornly cheated Death again. It was _verra impressive_ how the squishy human kept refusing to die, as if he were teasing Death with flirtatious glances and then not answering the door when it came knocking for him. 

Sturmvoraus had already won their attention long ago when he saved one of their own, but now he held it admirably by surviving the impossible on a daily basis. If anyone could keep up with their Lady’s dangerous lifestyle, that person deserved a certain measure of respect. And unlike young Wulfenbach, who’d solidified their respect once with his daring-do and mad ballsy courage in defending Mechanicsburg, Sturmvoraus was earning it over and over with the sort of bounce-back attitude that all Jägers embodied.

After a particularly spicy brush with Death that left the fellow with a punctured lung and a concussion, the Jägers finally decided amongst themselves that it was high time someone recognized his conquests with a proper award. Much rowdy deliberation later, they presented him with the honor of a _nize hat_ , which, like Wulfenbach, he sullenly yet graciously accepted.

* * *

As for the man himself, Tarvek would have argued vehemently with anyone who accused him of intentionally courting Death. How could they truly believe that? It was ludicrous to think he would give up the ghost like that. _Honestly_ people, he’d already been there, done that. He may have flirted with Death in the past, but he was 1000% done with that attitude, and anyone who implied otherwise could go tell that to Death’s face themselves.

He vaguely knew the others worried about him, but they didn’t _understand_. The truth was that he was much too _busy_ to die now.

The real reason he got hurt more than the rest of them put together? It wasn’t merely bad luck or thrills that kept putting him in harm’s way. It wasn’t that he was more fragile or less careful in any way. No, in fact it was quite the opposite.

He was a bit surprised Violetta at least hadn’t figured it out yet. Then again, she’d had years of his careful conditioning to believe his bumbling lack of skills in their lessons of subterfuge and assassination. It was easier to tease and scoff at “lumpy Tarvek” than accept that she’d been fooled all those years. She saw what she wanted to see. She, like the rest, completely missed the point of it all.

 _He was drawing fire._ He did it as subtly as possible, so that no one would suspect. He calculated and schemed his way into the most vulnerable positions to keep the attackers, kidnappers, poisoners, and assassins away from Agatha and even Gil. And it was _working._ Violetta had her job protecting Agatha, of course, but she wasn’t always in the thick of things, preferring instead to watch from the shadows for any threats. So Tarvek took up the task of being a human shield for his friends without _looking_ like it.

He accepted the embarrassing hat from the Jägers as his only real recognition, though even they didn’t understand why he was always getting the brunt of the deadly attacks. They just saw a stubborn ass who defied Death and kept getting up again, and for some reason that got their little monster hearts pumping faster with delight. (He suspected Higgs alone guessed how far his mission actually went.)

So as long as his friends were alive and well and _safe_ , Tarvek would keep doing his thing. It wasn’t for himself, or for some idiotic longing after Death’s sweet embrace. If Death did decide to take him one of these times, at least he would be able to rest knowing he’d done everything to protect the people he truly cared about.

And until then, yes, he would stubbornly rebuff all of Death’s advances. It was a dangerous game, one that he could play indefinitely. After all, he now had a powerful antidote pumping through his veins that could cure him of nearly any ill will that Death threw his way:

Something—someone, no, more than one someone—to _live_ for.

* * *

Art by RoryMercury!


End file.
